Jeff Foxworthy is a fucking racist, privileged moron

EDIT —  According to Snopes, Jeff’s brother denies that this originated from Jeff.  There may be yet another source for this nonsense, so my opinions are still valid but need directed (possibly) towards someone else.  So I’ll issue updates tomorrow.

I still stand by my opinion of Jeff Foxworthy, I’ve caught quite a few of his little political opinions and they were right in line with what is below.  Even more despicable is that Larry the Cable Guy, he makes me seriously want to retch.

Oh, and leaving a post that is just a hyperlink?  You get flagged as spam and deleted

 

END EDIT

 

I really, really despise Jeff Foxworthy’s politics, him and the rest of the blue collar comedy group, or whatever the hell they call themselves.  Normally I’d just ignore the idiot, but I’ve seen the following nonsense circling Facebook this past week, so I opted to respond directly to his bullshit.

If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining in the country illegally — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

In case Jeff doesn’t know, everyone is here illegally.  This country was stolen from the Native Americans, but no no, that was like, 100 years ago, we don’t talk about that.  Hunting and fishing licenses are designed to allow game and wildlife people to estimate the total impact to the environment and animal populations so that they can ensure a bunch of  drunk ass rednecks don’t go in and kill everything in sight, destroying the ecosystem, and wiping out the wildlife.

Now, considering the intense opposition to the Dream Act by Conservatives, this is clearly Jeff being a fucking liar.  If he really was opposed to illegal immigration, he would support the Dream Act so that those immigrants can be put on a path towards citizenship.  But I’m guessing they’re too brown for Jeff.  And yes, I do accuse him of being a racist.

If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

Jeffy, can I call you “Jeffy”?  Teachers are not professionals when it comes to dispensing medication, seeing as how they are not doctors.  So yes, they need permission as a way to cover their ass in case something bad happens.  And here’s a hint, they also do that at hospitals.  Also, teachers are not allow to take students off of school property without permission because again, there’s some hellacious liability there if there would be an accident.  So, are we clear why teachers need permission slips, or do I need to spell it out?  Spell it out?  Sure: LIABILITY.  There ya go.  Big word I know, but there’s always dictionary.com.

Now, let’s go ahead and cover the abortion issue.  Pregnancy terminations are handled in medically controlled facilities by professionals.  There are also liability waivers in the hospital of course, but these are handled by…again…professionals.  Now, do I think underage girls should be getting abortions without their parents knowledge?  No, I actually don’t.  But I also don’t believe they should be allowed to interfere.  Because ignorant rednecks like you Jeffy would force their teenage daughters to have babies when they are clearly not responsible enough.  Because that’s how Conservatives punish women.  No mention of the guy who knocked her up of course, cause he’s just fine, clearly the girl was just a slut anyway, right?

Oh, and I also don’t believe that aspirin should be denied to someone who needs it because their parents have some sort of religious problem with it.  Children are not property, Jeffy.  Hate to break that to you.

If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

Wow, so much fail in such a small paragraph.  Jeffy, you show ID to board planes, cash checks, buying liquor, etc, BECAUSE THOSE SERVICES ARE NOT FUNDAMENTAL RIGHTS YOU FUCKING DUMBASS.  Voting is a fundamental right, requiring ID to vote is just a modern day Jim Crow law because there is a cost of getting the ID, there is the need to travel to get it, which are problems for those who live in poverty or are elderly, or both.  And guess what, those people typically vote Democrat, and the Republicans are the ones wanting photo IDs.

Second, please show me that there is some rampant voter fraud going on.  Cause I’ve yet to see any evidence of it at all.  You already need a voter registration card, which can easily be used to ensure someone votes only one time.  But no no, that’s not enough!  We need their picture too!  See, the voter registration card can easily solve the problem, but that’s not the point of those laws, it’s to discourage minority and elderly voters from voting.  If you think otherwise then you’re just an idiot.

If the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines that hold more than ten rounds, but gives twenty F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

Jeffy, every gun owner is a stable, law-abiding citizen…until they’re not.  See, we want background checks.  We want to make sure that the people who own guns aren’t mental patients with violent tendencies, aren’t ex-cons with violent records, and aren’t going to gun down a class room full of 6 year olds.  Is that really so hard to understand?  Background checks Jeffy, plain and simple checks.

Now, currently Egypt is on the brink of civil war, the hope being that Egypt can become a democracy and get rid of the current set of crazy rulers.  The new guys aren’t the best, but they’re better, so yes, we are helping them to an extend (sorry, no jets yet).  This is a world changing event Jeffy.  Rednecks with guns don’t change the course of history, they end up killing children or opening fire in movie theaters.  But hey, that’s their right, huh?

And let me ask, did you have similar outrage when his Holiness Reagan gave guns for hostages?  I’m guessing you probably justified that.

If, in the nation’s largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

Agreed, this is Draconian overreach by the government.  And it was proposed by Governor Bloomberg, who was a Republican from 2001 to 2007 and is now an Independent.  Soyour attempt to piss on liberals is a bit…missing the mark… But otherwise I agree with this.  I understand Bloomberg’s sentiment, but the proper approach is an awareness campaign, not government overreach.

If an 80-year-old woman or a three-year-old girl who is confined to a wheelchair can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

Uhm, first and foremost, the TSA shouldn’t be searching anyone, and I’d like to see the references to these two cases so that I could read the particulars.  The TSA piss all over our 4th Amendment Rights.

Now, regarding people in burkas or a hijab, your racism is showing Jeffy.  You’re saying that those people are more likely to be terrorists than an 80 year old woman or a 3 year old girl.  That’s racist partner, hate to inform you.  And it’s also stupid.  Why would a terrorist dress as a terrorist?  Isn’t that really stupid, wouldn’t they dress the same way that the 9/11 attackers did, like everybody else dresses?  Fuck you’re stupid.

If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

Dead fucking wrong Jeffy.  The government should be spending money on education and science research, because those always pay off.  Educated people make more money, which is taxed.  Science provides innovation and invention, which can lead to new marketable products

If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is “cute,” but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

Oh for fuck’s sake, are you kidding me?  No 7 year old was thrown out of school for calling his teacher cute, reference or it didn’t happen.  Second, a diversity class is perfectly acceptable so that students can learn about people and cultures who are different.  Of course only a racist would object to this.  Sex education is directly correlated with a reduction in teen pregnancy, STDs, etc.  Abstinence only eduction is directly correlated with high teen pregnancy and STDs; it doesn’t work.  Teach the kids about the naughty parts, cause clearly you dumbass parents aren’t doing it.  Your kids are going to fuck, get over it.  Teach them not to get into trouble.  Pretty easy buddy.

If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion, while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, and free cell phones — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

You are a piece of fucking shit.  This is why I despise Conservatives.  EVERYBODY on public assistance is clearly just a lazy slob, so they should suffer!  I mean, if I got a job then surely you can get a job.  This is called privilege.  Those who are privileged piss all over anybody who isn’t.  Free cell phones?  Uhm, yeah, cause they don’t have landlines, so if they get sick or hurt, they’d have no way to dial 911.  Oh, but wait, I forgot, if you’re poor you don’t deserve healthcare, if you get sick, just die quickly and quietly.

If you earn a high amount of money, then yes, you do need to pay more in taxes.  You are benefiting more than others in the same system, so yes, you are morally obligated to give back.  But of course, this is an absolute lie.  People who earn the highest pay the least in terms of percentage.  Let me go find a tiny violin for you, you poor, poor rich person.

If the government’s plan for getting people back to work is to provide incentives for not working, by granting 99 weeks of unemployment checks, without any requirement to prove that gainful employment was diligently sought, but couldn’t be found — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

I’m sorry, what incentives?  Please, give me a list.  And people on public assistance who are between jobs ARE required to show that they are actively seeking work you ignorant fuck head.  There should be no cutoff for unemployment checks, but then hey, fuck the poor, right?

People who cannot work are different.  My brother is one of them, he is a paranoid schizophrenic with bipolar disorder, diagnosed years ago with blood work and psychiatric analysis.  He was in a psych ward for a short time as well.  So Jeff, fuck you, from the bottom of my heart, you privileged asshole.

If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big-screen TV, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all plasma screen TV and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

Uhm, wait, what?  Is this yet another strawman Jeffy?  What the hell are you talking about?  So let me get this straight, your neighbor is wealthy, and uses his wealth to buy some electronics, and then falls on hardship, your solution is to…what…debtor’s prison?  Don’t give me this shit, your neighbor clearly payed his mortgage on time, so no, it’s not right that he lose his house if he falls on hardship.  I’ve paid my mortgage on time (early usually) for over a decade, and yes, I have a plasma screen tv and several android devices.  If I lose my job and have trouble finding a new one, you’re saying that I should forfeit my home?  Fuck you you stupid asshole, I’ve contributed to society for years, that same society can give me a hand.  No one forgave any debt you dumbass, they simply made it to where homeowners in distress can get onto plans to help the out.  No one gave away free houses you uninformed jack ass.

If being stripped of your Constitutional right to defend yourself makes you more “safe” according to the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

Which right, Jeffy?  Oh, 2nd Amendment?  Again, nice strawman.  You can have all the guns you want, provided you can pass a background check.  You don’t need fully automatic weapons to defend yourself.  Would you support my right to own a nuclear device or a dirty bomb?  It’s my right afterall.

What a country!

Damn right, I mean fuck the poor, this is a country for the rich.  Fuck immigrants, fuck minorities, fuck the poor, fuck anyone who isn’t a white Christian male!

How about we give God a reason to continue blessing America!

No such thing as a god, Jeffy, no evidence whatsoever.  And I refuse to refer to the fictional Christian deity as “god”; “god” is not the name of anything, it is a job title.  The name of the Judeo-Christian god is Yahweh (YHWH), aka Yahweh-Eloheim (Eloheim most likely being Yahweh’s wife).  This is actually in Genesis Chapter One, Jeffy.

Oh, wait.  Christians don’t read the bible.  They just thump it.

6 Responses to “Jeff Foxworthy is a fucking racist, privileged moron”

  1. Bernie Lambert Says:

    This is classic. Love it. Spot on!

  2. Idiocracy Rising - Milk Lump Says:

    […] stay the course. You’re a far better people than to leave yourselves uninformed, to embrace some Jeff Foxworthy-style caricature of your worst. You know the sun cannot be gobbled up from here, from terra […]

  3. kandd4 Says:

    Not one of these statements came from Foxworthy “you” moron.

    • James Smith Says:

      I shook hands with Jeff exactly a week ago after he finished a photo shoot for Ducks Unlimited in the empty lot next door overlooking the Chattahoochee. Seemed like a nice enough guy, but we did not get into politics.

      I told my girlfriend about it and a week later she sends me a racist riff about Muslim immigration that didn’t end with “geniuses …idiots” or “redneck” (guess he ran out of those). It just ended with “You might be a moron.”

      Just in case Jeff happens to be checking in on this blog, I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. Because I’d hate to think that’s as deep as he gets – and anyway, I do need to lock the gate to that lot.

  4. jewhader Says:

    You brown idiots, communists, and queers are about to get your heads kicked in.

    The marxist, lesbian grandma will not be able to save you.

  5. Daniel Says:

    Damn man I LOVED this article. I just watched his recent stand up and found it to be super racist and lacking in any humor (racism, sexism, etc can be funny to me just saying) needless to say, if he considers that pathetic display of amateur comedy as “hard work” he’s mistaken. I’ve seen a 17 year old fry cook work harder than that (a lot of then actually, and I’m not comparing manual labor to joke writing. Both are equally worthy of being called work. I’m saying directly he is fucking lazy at writing jokes)…anyways I don’t agree with 100% of your perspective, but as opinions they’re respectable and well thought out, but that’s not to say I didn’t agree with you at all. Actually over 90% I agree with, but who gives a fuck right? Lol, anyways thanks for writing this. It was enjoyable to read 🙂

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